Carrying the Load

Our Costly Burdens

Photo by Pavitra Baxi on Unsplash

Last December, I declared a break from Lament for the holiday season and an Advent intention to focus on Hope, Peace, Love and Joy. It only took days for shootings, deaths, violence, cruelty, bombings, and war to begin their pile-on and challenge my plan. As much as I began this year seeking hope and renewal, each week of the past four months has nevertheless offered something to rock the news, the lives and communities of friends, and people’s sense of safety, security, or community.

I am so tire of waiting,

Aren’t you,

For the world to become good

And beautiful and kind?

Let us take a knife

And cut the world in two-

And see what worms are eating

At the rind. — Langston Hughes, Tired

I’m tired, too. It is hard to carry Lament lightly.

Yet, I cannot let it go.

Where would all my complicated feelings go without it?

We need to disperse the thoughts that pull on us. Without an outlet, worries, griefs, and hurts can take over. We become tired. We lose heart. What we lament is much of our load in life, and the burdens of such suffering are costly.

But the experience of pain and suffering is also part of our wholeness, alongside gratitude, joy, hope. And so, Lament has its place while we struggle to shoulder it and pay its costs.

How do you carry the load?

Photo by Rohit Dey on Unsplash

What not to do: the other morning, I read This Pretty Planet a beautiful, grateful, wonderfully imagined picture book ode by award-winning singer-songwriters, but instead of carrying it throughout my day, I let its impact dissipate in twenty minutes of Instagram scrolling.

What better to do: lay down the hard stuff and, sort of (not quite) Marie Kondo-like, give it its due - So many of the things we should declutter from our lives are not going to “spark joy.” Still, we can still recognize their importance.

Gather your laments of living in pain, of exhaustion, defeat, of the world, the world, the world, and acknowledge them in music, in poetry, in art.

Share your laments with others -

What do you learn? How do you connect?

How might we change because of Lament?

I lament as containment, to give burdens their place, without allowing them to spill over and contaminate the rest; to apply guardrails to the endless ache for breaking and broken people in a breaking and broken world; to make room for all that is brightly colored, hopeful, magical.

I lament as an exhale, a prayer, a release of the heaviness.

For April, I lament:

• Loss - expected or unexpected, it sends me reeling. It doesn’t have to be unnatural to be hard. I lament the struggle left behind when someone or something is gone.

• Whiplash- whether it’s “bait and switch” or simply unheralded changes in rules, norms, expectations - neither disruption nor lack of clarity are easy to carry. It is unsettling to live amidst shifting sands. I lament the carelessness of those that shake the rugs beneath us as I lament the angst of those shaken.

• The disdain of moderation. The sight of a friend wearing a t-shirt that read: “Radicalized by basic decency” made me want to cheer and want to cry - decency shouldn’t have to be radical; radical shouldn’t be the only path worth walking.

• Those who would destroy civilization rather than advance it:

  —I recently read an article about Gen Z politics that suggested trolling has become the normalized recipe for attention, for anti-civilized, but nevertheless successful bids for “leadership.” Propaganda rules. Just like in the Nazi era.

  —But there’s more. Threats to destroy antiquities, cultures, ways of living in the Iran war are the antithesis of “civilized” development. I lament the valuing of destruction over building anything.

  —Some among us think it’s okay to plan to "use up” natural resources, as if their narrow perspective is all that matters. How does that contribute to civilization?

  —Book bans, fences, Instagram, billionaire greed, cuts, graft, corruption, unfairness - all have already been proven to harm. Yet people want more of this.

None of these causes for lament are going away anytime soon. Kate Bowler calls on “We, the tired and tender hearted” acknowledging that we’ll be carrying our heavy loads into our tomorrows. But lets not keep these laments inside, out of sight, where they might metastasize. Consider the costs.

Instead exhale, share your load, and release.